Drinking Quotes

  • My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
    ~Rodney Dangerfield

  • How do you look when I'm sober?
    ~Ring Lardner

  • One martini is just right, two is too many, three is not enough.
    ~James Thurber

  • My dad was the town drunk.
    Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?
    ~Henny Youngman

  • I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when in love and when not.
    ~Christian Pol Roger, and also Coco Chanel

  • Show me how you drink and I will tell you who you are.
    ~Emile Peynaud

  • I envy people who drink— at least they know what to blame everything on.
    ~Oscar Levant

  • There are more old drunkards than old physicians.
    ~Francois Rabelais (Gargantua)

  • Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

  • There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.
    ~Bette Davis

  • Wine is sunlight held together by water.

  • I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
    ~Dean Martin

  • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
    ~W.C. Fields

  • There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.
    ~Benjamin Franklin

  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    ~Henny Youngman

  • Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
    ~Knute Rockne

  • There should be asylums for habitual teetotalers, but they would probably relapse into teetotalism as soon as they got out.
    ~Samuel Butler

  • Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
    ~Rick Blaine; Played by Humphrey Bogart in the film "Casablanca"

  • My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit.
    ~James Bond; Played By Sean Connery in the 1964 film "Goldfinger"

  • Wine is the most civilized thing in the world.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

  • A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
    ~W. C. Fields

  • I love to drink martinis. Two at the very most. Three I’m under the table. Four I’m under my host.
    ~Dorothy Parker

  • Remember gentleman, it’s not just France we’re fighting for, it’s Champagne!
    ~Sir Winston Churchill

  • Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
    ~Dudley Moore in the movie "Arthur"

  • I am a drinker with a writing problem.
    ~Brendan Behan

  • When a friend warned him that alcohol was slow poison,
    Robert Benchley replied, "So who's in a hurry?"

  • He who drinks a fifth on the forth, may not be able to go forth on the fifth.

  • When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging.
    When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
    ~Al Capone

  • I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate.
    And I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself.
    ~Napoleon Bonaparte

  • Whisky is liquid sunshine.
    ~George Bernard Shaw

  • My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
    ~Henny Youngman

  • Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
    ~George Burns

  • I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved.
    ~George Gobel

  • ...and I'm standing on the corner of Fifth and Vermouth.
    ~Tom Waits

  • A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
    ~Louis Pasteur

  • Three be the things I shall never attain: envy, content, and sufficient Champagne.
    ~Dorothy Parker

  • I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
    ~W. C. Fields

  • They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.
    ~Stephen Colbert

  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
    ~George Carlin

  • I went on a diet, swore off drinking, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
    ~Joe E Lewis

  • I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
    ~Rodney Dangerfield

  • There is something about a Martini, A tingle remarkably pleasant: A yellow, a mellow Martini: I wish I had one at present.
    ~Ogden Nash

  • In vino veritas. In wine there is truth.
    ~Pliny the Elder

  • Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
    ~Drew Carey

  • Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.
    ~Johnny Carson

  • I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
    ~David Lee Roth

  • Robert Benchley's list of infallible symptoms of intoxication in drivers: When the driver is sitting with his back against the instrument panel and his feet on the driver's seat. When the people in the back seat are crouched down on the floor with their arms over their heads. When the driver goes into the rest-room and doesn't come out.

  • I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
    ~Dean Martin

  • All I ever did was supply a demand that was pretty popular.
    ~Al Capone (Referring to liquor during the Prohibition.)

  • There is no such thing as a bad whisky. Some whiskies just happen to be better than others.
    ~William Faulkner

  • I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
    ~Sir Winston Churchill

  • If I cannot drink bourbon and smoke cigars in heaven than I shall not go.
    ~Mark Twain

  • I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class, there seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warn-blooded to fall into this vice.
    ~Abraham Lincoln

  • We're drinking my friend, to the end of a brief episode. Make it one for my baby, and one more for the road.
    ~Johnny Mercer

  • Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.

  • When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.
    ~François Rabelais

  • A philsopher is a man who can look at an empty glass with a smile.
    ~Tommy Dewar

  • If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
    ~W.C. Fields

  • Beer, its the best damn drink the the world.
    ~Jack Nicholson

  • I only drink a little, but when I do I turn into another person and that person drinks a lot.

  • I work until beer o'clock.
    ~Stephen King

  • I drink much less than most people think, and I think much more than most people would believe.
    ~Hunter S. Thompson

  • Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
    ~George Bernard Shaw

  • Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is the mother of all virtues.
    ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  • I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
    ~Chelsea Handler

  • When once asked if he ever stopped drinking,
    Humphrey Bogart replied, "Yeah, it was the worst afternoon of my whole life".

  • If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
    ~Dean Martin

  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
    ~Stephen Wright

  • Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    ~Benjamin Franklin

  • I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a Champagne teetotaler; I don't like beer.
    ~George Bernard Shaw

  • No nation is drunken where wine is cheap.
    ~Thomas Jefferson

  • A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.
    ~Frank Lloyd Wright

  • Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn't everyone?
    ~Noel Coward

  • "I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.".
    ~Joe E. Lewis

  • I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
    ~Miguel de Cervantes

  • First you take a drink. Then the drink takes a drink. Then the drink takes you.
    ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

  • The only thing I regret in life is that I did not drink more Champagne.
    ~John Maynard Keynes

  • Write drunk; edit sober.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

  • What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
    ~George Carlin

  • Champagne is one of the elegant extras in life.
    ~Charles Dickens

  • Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
    ~Martin Luther (Germany, 1517 A.D)

  • Where there is no wine there is no love.

  • One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
    ~James Thurber

  • Colder than the hairs on a polar bear’s ass! Colder than the frost on a Champagne glass!
    ~Thomas Pynchon

  • Drinking makes uninteresting people matter less and late at night, matter not at all.
    ~Lillian Hellman

  • A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
    ~W. C. Fields

  • Champagne and orange juice is a great drink. The orange improves the Champagne. The Champagne definitely improves the orange.
    ~Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

  • Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
    ~Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
    ~Churchill's reply

  • There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.
    ~John Candy

  • I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.
    ~Richard Burton

  • Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.
    ~Joe E. Lewis

  • But Champagne is not drinking.
    ~David Niven: When asked why he was drinking

  • People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
    ~Ann Landers

  • Aye, but today's rain is tomorrow's whiskey.
    ~Scottish proverb

  • I always wake up at the crack of ice.
    ~Joe E. Lewis

  • Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
    ~W.C. Fields

  • I drink to make other people more interesting.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

  • A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.
    ~Czech Proverb

  • Wine is bottled poetry.
    ~Robert Louis Stevenson

  • Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
    ~Mark Twain